man, i have to say, keeping up with a blog is diffiicult. let alone announcing that i’m doing my devos here…yikes
so yesterday, i wanted to do my devos during lunch. i was planning to eat for about 30 minutes then head off to a quiet place. about 10 bites before i was going to leave, a tall lengthy skinny guy comes facing towards me. chewing and trying to avoid the situation, i put my head down. he asked me very randomly, “hi, could i sit and eat with you?” With food in my mouth, I nodded my head and fanned my arm in for him to sit and eat with me. I don’t know why I did it. For one, I did not know this guy and I made it seem so casual for strangers to eat with me. I bet people thought we were friends, but we were two random strangers. If this wasn’t Biola, I think I would’ve hesitated.
While we were awkwardly eating, he tells me that he’s a metaphysicist. Basically, someone who thinks A LOT. Ha. But to be honest, I had no idea what that was. I was thinking..”a meta-what?” My thoughts exactly. As he started to talk more, he shared that he was trying to have the abstract idea of the soul to put into reality. I don’t know what that looks like, but I was pretty lost for the first ten minutes after I asked him why he was a metaphysicist. Later we started talking about evangelism and what we thought would be the best method. I gave him my opinions and swapped ideas about evangelism and what not. We talked about ministry and what he wanted to get into with metaphycism and what I’m doing as a youth pastor’s wife/core leader.
After 30 minutes had passed, we said our goodbyes and courteous handshakes and walked away. Walking back to work, I just felt my heart being overwhelmed. I was thinking about the conversation that I had with Daniel and felt that everything I spoke about was empty. I mean, the content is good and it’s great to swap ideas about ministry and evangelism, but for me, I felt that I was not living what I was preaching.
I just felt that my words/experiences were lacking because I’m not enriching myself in the Word. Maybe that was why Daniel came in the picture yesterday. Maybe God was trying to really show how weak and broken I was even if I had great conversations about the work of God.
So, what does that mean for me? Well, I can’t keep making excuses about how busy I am. I think for one, I need to have a time set aside to do my devos. Another thing is, I need to do it before my day gets busy. So I guess that means I need to sleep early and wake up early. I don’t know how it will go, but one thing for sure is that I don’t want to be broken. I want to be restored.
I don’t know how to end this post, but I guess that’s a good thing. Until next time…
adieu to my thoughts.
