So, I haven’t been keeping up with my tumblr, or my devotions. The result of it all, I am feeling more and more empty and lost. I mean if the Christian walk is like driving a car, and gas is the Word and Prayer, I have been empty and pushing my car with worn out tires.
It always takes moments like these where I realize how fragile and incompetent without God. A co-worker told me once, “To think that you’re amazing and irreplaceable from any job is to say that you can make a deep mark with your elbow in a bucket filled with water.”
One, I am tired and even frustrated at ministry…or people in ministry/church. Two, I feel alone at the church I serve. I mean, I have Jason who I am very thankful for, but to have a heart to heart moment with a young women/peer, is tough. I guess what I need is not just a peer to talk to, but someone who’s in ministry who is also working with her husband at church.
I guess that’s a lot to ask. Ha. But now that I’m thinking about it, maybe it’s not that I need JUST people. I think I’m just finding replacements for God. I think I need the intimacy of Jesus and the people of strong faith to find peace.
The peace that I long for is not within me. The peace that I desire is from my Savior. I posted on my facebook that to be broken means I continually need a Savior in my life.
I wrote that because after looking at different updates/profiles of people on facebook, I felt so broken/confused/frustrated because I felt like my presence in their life was not enough. I was left abandoned by their friendship, and the anger is still in me.
God has a lot of work in my life. I’m not expecting a friendship in return, I’m not expecting anything at all. I just want Jesus to fill me up again, and for me to never let go.
It’s been too long my poor soul. You are weary and weak.
